Friday, August 11, 2023

Someone You Loved

     On October 20, 2023, a Friday, a lucky day according to Norse culture, a good day for weddings... I was supposed to be getting married. A lovely fall wedding set in the outdoors, a

Our first date. 
coming together of his Chinese/Norse heritage and my Scot/Irish heritage.  A celebration of our shared geekiness with tongue in cheek nods to our love of Star Trek.  It would be a blending of families, with a big party and lots of food and drinks and laughs. I had started contacting venues long ago, florists, researching any possible way to save a buck. I'll admit it became an obsession. From the minute he told me he loved me and wanted to marry me I was a woman on a mission. We picked out my rings at Jared, I don't know that I have ever seen anything so beautiful. There they sit, waiting to be picked up, like sad abandoned children. My mother and I went and tried on dresses at a couple bridal shops and I think I found one I liked well enough. The best part of it all was I was so content.  I loved this man and I thought he loved me.  I thought I had finally found my happy ending and no matter what he and I would work through whatever came because we loved each other.  I found myself sitting and just softly smiling to myself thinking so this, THIS is finally what real love feels like.  And it felt so good. 

Something like this.

    Instead on the 20th of October 2023 I will have knee surgery.  He is gone. Dave has been gone nearly a year now.  Best I can gather he decided he didn't love me as much as he thought when an ex girlfriend of his called and told him she wanted him back. 

Total Knee Arthoplasty

Now they are having a nearly identical wedding to the one I was planning. I know all this because she continuously posts about me and them and their wedding on TikTok and since we "interacted" I get a message every time she posts something. I knew Dave for 9 years, nearly a decade.  I trusted him with everything, my brother's life, secrets, inside jokes, my failures... everything. I guess he gave me the gift of knowing what a bride feels like for a short time.  That's something I may not ever get again. Maybe I owe him a thank you for that? 

    I let my guard down and he pulled the rug right out from under me, just when I was getting used to the idea of being loved by someone. He knew my history and somehow he managed to do more damage than all the others.  I went to bed for a month, a solid month, after he dumped me without so much as a goodbye.  Dave did get emotional when he was doing the dumping, he started crying, but I

This Kansas

don't know what that means exactly.  His words were so confusing, he said he didn't want to do a long distance relationship anymore, but his new girl lives in Kansas and we live in NC (although rumor has it he has now moved to Kansas to be with her).  He said didn't want to be a stepdad but she has more kids than I do.  

    One day he allowed her to attack me on social media.  That's how I found out about them.  Four months after the break up and I am doing okay, fine.  Here comes Miss Thang.  Tagging him in a post comment on my Instagram.  Trying to be the bigger person I just deleted and blocked.  Clearly thick, and not able to pick up on obvious messages, she hit up my Facebook page and commented on several posts.  I reply to

everyone so I was just going through replying to comments and since she had a different handle I didn't immediately register that it was the same person.  Except the profile picture was the same, her and him with him behind her and his arms around her.  I got my best friend involved and she blasted her, while I called her out on another comment and basically just said "Look I know who you are, I get what you're trying to do.  I get it, you're with him now and I'm not.  Good for you. Now be gone you troll." She feigned innocence and tried to play dumb... like I'm stupid.  Maybe I'm not as good at these internet games as she is but I'm far from stupid. 

    So if you're wondering how you steal someone's boyfriend/fiancĂ©... make a TikTok post about how you listened to Taylor Swift and it has given you the courage to call him up and you don't care that he's with that girl. You only had an entire year you could have called while you were both single, but you didn't want him until he moved on.  Fully knowing he never really got over you in the first place, and not giving a shit that he's finally in a happy place.... your selfish needs come first right? We may not have been perfect but we were happy and we laughed a lot. 


    I honestly wish you both the best. That's all I can do with all the love I have for him, all the respect I have for him.  The promise I made to continue to be his friend if it didn't work out. Which is clearly not happening now.  I miss him, his presence in my life because honestly I can't remember a time when he wasn't part of my life anymore.  You took him from me, that's unforgivable.  And you did it with the full knowledge of my existence, which makes it worse.  What kind of woman does that to another woman? Obviously one who's never been hurt like that before.  I hope you never know that pain.  Life has a funny way of paying you back though, karma's a bitch. 

Words of advice. 


  1. If he did it to you, he will do it to her… and even if he doesn’t… did you want to be the 2nd choice?

    1. He was my brother’s SGT in the Army, that’s how we met. My brother says this is par for the course for him. That he finds a girl and dates her for awhile and “falls head over heels” in love then dumps her as soon as it gets too serious. And no, I don’t want to be option 2.

  2. You deserve so much more than that. Could be that you really dodged a bullet there.

    1. I really don’t know what I deserve anymore. I’m beginning to wonder if I wasn’t Hitler in a past life or something. Lol I think you’re right I did probably dodge a bullet, this has not lessened the pain of it all very much.