Thursday, July 26, 2012

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Seventh Ring of Hell: Election Year

Anyone that has been watching the weather at all this summer knows that most of the country has descended into the seventh ring of hell. heat_poweroutages(Except my readers in the Pacific Northwest who seem to be the only area in the country NOT angry red on the map) I have to wonder if any of this is connected to the fact that it is an election year and things seem so much nastier this year than four years ago.

Does anyone notice that elections seem to get worse and worse every year? The attack ads, the snits, the commentary, the sound bites taken out of context, the back and forth snarky remarks… To me the country has lost its way on both sides of the aisle. I do not want to get all political on you but I think it is time someone Political_Circus_Clownssaid something truthful. Both Republicans and Democrats should be ashamed of themselves for taken something that should by all accounts be a serious endeavor and making it a circus. My father has always stressed the importance of understanding each candidate and the issues and what platform the candidate has. Do we ever hear their platforms anymore? Do we ever hear anything other than hate speech? A country only gets the government it deserves and most people I hear talk about the election only spit out the rhetoric they hear in attack ads and never once question the truth of either side. They do no research and just parrot what they hear. I find it depressing and as oppressive as the wet blanket heat we have in the summer here.

I recently started talking to a guy I thought would be fun and we seemed to have a lot in common. As per my usual, I was wrong. The first conversation we had he started in on President Obama and the Obamacare and any other thing he felt he did not like. When I questioned him why he did not care for any of these things he started telling me how he is not legally an AmericanBirther-Delusion and wants to be a dictator and on and on… about matters that are frankly a moot point. The President presented a birth certificate. Yes his middle name is Hussein but millions of people in the world and our own country carry that name as Islam is one of the world’s largest religions and the President does not practice that religion… it is just a name just like you have that middle name you do not want to share with people. If your middle name is Esmeralda or Irmagarde you are not likely to go around telling people unless you just love that name… I would not but that is my opinion. Neither of those names or whatever name you carry likely as a family name make you who you are, and it is certainly NOT a reason to not vote for someone. What if a President’s president-obama2middle name was a name generally deemed as wimpy or feminine…. Like Cecil or (here in the south it is common to hear a “girl” name think Gone With The Wind) Courtney… would that make him a bad President? I don’t think it matters.

When I finally spoke my mind to the gentleman, he actually muttered this dismissal “Well you couldn’t possibly understand; females are not meant for political matters.” Uh… hello? We have had the vote since the 20’s and somesuffragettes of the greatest political minds in history have been female. Do tell ignorant douche canoe what it is that makes you think this? Can you explain that statement any better than your reason to vote the other direction? Not that I mind who you vote for; just please know WHY you are doing it and understand it completely. Vote your conscience but know what it is and why. Do not just go into that booth and press a button or two because you believed a commercial. As a communications major I can assure you that those commercials are made to rile you, to sway you, to sound completely legit. It is sadly a mockery of the entire system set forth by our forefathers. It is not a popularity contest, thus the inclusion of the Electoral College. I don’t know Abraham_Lincoln_head_on_shoulders_photo_portraitmaybe it should be a popularity contest but obviously I am unable to comprehend politics… since I happen to be a chick.

Most people do not understand the five year over lap idea that President’s contend with; meaning they have to deal with the issues and mistakes or legislation made by the preceding President (think two wars…) so to have any real effect at all they must be a two term President. The five year overlap applies whether the President holds one term or two because policies made still take time to go into effect.

Worst still to me is the absolute inability to work together with the current administration. Bipartisanism has become so rampant that nothing is gettingBush Hosts Obama Former Presidents White House GePo2jz9_4cl accomplished at all. Should it matter what party you belong to once you get there? No, it shouldn’t your job is to work together to make the country the best you feel it can be. Not to squabble over parties or just dig in your heels and not participate because you have your head up your ass. We saw this during the first State of Union when the Republicans responded to the President with so much disrespect and acted like petulant children even screaming the now infamous “LIAR”! This would never pressealhave been tolerated in the early days of our republic. So what has changed? Have we become so apathetic to what is happening that we are willing to flush our country down the toilet? Never in my life have I seen such behavior. I am losing faith in everything I was raised to believe in. Our government is broken. The people who have the power to fix it? Us, the voters, but that is not going to happen with blatant misinformation, ignorance, and even in some places flat out racism.

What is it going to take to put forth viable candidates from both parties? The last several elections I have felt I am voting for the lesser of two evils. I should not have that choice to make. It shouldn’t be that way. Both candidates should be qualified and competent but no one seems to want to step up.

PS: Dirty little surprise for you here; I am a registered Republican.

Check all the facts and vote your mind, here are some resources:

http://www.factcheck.org/

http://www.politifact.com/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/fact-checker

http://www.vikitech.com/454/get-your-facts-right-6-fact-checking-websites-that-help-you-know-the-truth

Mitt-Romney-241055-4-402

Monday, July 23, 2012

Chip and the Germy Rapist

FAIR WARNING: POTTY TALK AHEAD!

Does everyone have a small or perhaps large hang up about public restrooms or is it just me?   I have a “shy” system… so I do my best to be absolutely alone in the restroom. Having Crohn’s did not make me this way; I was always this way…

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As a child the family was on a road trip to somewhere and made a stop at those wonderfully clean and inviting rest stops! See? Lovely.... like prison.This one in particular was so welcoming, and “environmental” so much so that I actually had no choice of stall with a functioning door and was quite alarmed to find myself sitting (before I really knew the powers of the “hover”) in this little stall in the back of the restroom hoping no one else would come in… I knew enough at that point in my life that having no locking doors between you and your privates was no bueno… but there in the little stall with chipped green painted wood dividers and as mentioned no door, I found myself eye to eye with a squirrel. I do not mind squirrels so much; they seem kind of cute and have those oddly bushy tails.squirrel02 This squirrel I did mind. He, she, it… was sitting there watching me. I saw where something probably this squirrel had pried open one of the very lovely chicken wire windows and scurried in to observe the bowel habits of humans.

I decided that this squirrel was probably some super powered squirrel with behemoth strength. As we both sat there completely still sizing the other up; it was blocking my way out and I felt as though it thought I was on his turf. I say him because like everything I came or come across in my life I name … I called him “Chip” as in Chip and Dale… YES I know they were chipmunks now, but I didn’t really understand the difference or give it much thought as I desperately tried not to move or release anything from my body given the squirrel might not like my usage of his facilities. So there I sat. Staring, Chip at me and I at Chip. Chip did not move a muscle either; I assumed he did so because he did not want his secret strength to be revealed. My mother finally came searching for me because I had been gone half an hour and she had started to worry if I was okay. Of course as soon as Chip heard her calling my name, his other super power of lightning speed was revealed… she never saw him. pumped-up-squirrelWhen she finally found me tucked away in the back stall I now had another being staring at me… this one now furious that I didn’t answer her when she called and was just twiddling. I tried to explain Chip to her as she stomped off and told me to hurry the hell up. Once back to the safety of the car, I could see Chip sitting in the grass just outside of the shelter; I could feel his little beady eyes on me, plotting the demise of the world. I attempted to tell my tale of Chip and his super powers to my parents only to be shushed and have it brushed off as a tall tale.

Crohn’s only made this aversion to public rest rooms more traumatic because now they are unavoidable. I have to use them; sometimes immediately. I find it mortifying to come flying into a bathroom only to find that the middle and statistically the dirtiest stall in the entire room open and that someone hasn’t flushed or peed all over the seat. Gentlemen you may think that a woman’s myownplace01restroom is clean and orderly and nice… but trust me when I tell you they are usually pee soaked nightmares behind the stall doors and a huge watery mess at the sinks. The only time I have enjoyed a restroom was the one time in Great Britain I had the honor of using the water closet at Harrods and there was an attendant ready and waiting. (Wouldn’t that be the worst job?) Then it was hard for me too… pre Crohn’s but still there is this person sitting out there in the country known for manners and decorum and I am about to go rip one in the stall. I tried the flush and go… so that they wouldn’t hear me but that did not work. I think she caught on because the water started running and I finally relaxed enough to take Ax5rHytCAAAma6Tcare of business. As I emerged, maroon from head to toe with embarrassment she politely said “Just warming the water for you Miss, it takes some time with these old pipes.” Then I felt even worse because she knew what I knew she knew… As I washed my hands and went for the door I heard her quietly rise from her seat and spray some air freshener. I could have fainted. I just told myself it was standard procedure… and prayed to God I didn’t ruin the poor lady’s day. Enough about that… because I do not enjoy reliving that…

I noticed the other day as I scooted into a restroom in a building where my doctor’s office is, smiling to find it empty and the last stall clear and clean-ish… I always use the very first or very last stall because I read a study that examined the cleanliness of public restrooms and found those stalls to be the least used and typically the cleanest. The closer to the middle you get the nastier it gets; word to the wise. So I find myself there with the hopeless little piece of tissue paper seat cover they give out; I find the only thing these are actually useful for is to discover hidden spots of “water” I question their ability to save me from someone else’s creatures. I have hung my purse and secured myself, and have only just sat down to deal with my issue and in The_Ladies_Roomstomps someone. Silently I pray they take the first stall. Clearly my feet are visible underneath the stall… BUT this is never what happens. Have you ever noticed that people seem to be drawn to the stall immediately next to you, especially if you have a shy bladder? So this woman stomps into the stall next to me slamming the door and causing the entire stall system to wobble. She sits down and starts grunting like a boar in heat. For a moment I am worried she might be giving birth.

Then the noise erupting from her stall proved to me why I NEVER like going with someone in the restroom. Not even a courtesy flush… Sweet tea and baby Jesus I thought I was going to pass out. Why when you have to poo do you go sit next to someone? Do some people feel this is a bonding thing? My dog seems to think it is, and will sit at the door and whimper until I let him in and there he just stares at me; that creeps me out… but I love him so I have gotten sort of used to it. I have been able to train him to look away at the door which helps. I digress.

When you have to relieve that much and make that much noise doing it would you not want to be as far away from humanity as possible? Does anyone think it is polite society to come in and drop several deuces, whilst grunting, and I will mention hollering (yes she was yelling to Jesus) maybe she had eaten Taco Bell.taco-HELL-231x300 I do not know and I naturally did not ask. I was thankful she did not need toilet paper. At one point I think she was kicking or hitting the stall door or walls… I am not sure. Normally I would have laughed but I couldn’t breathe. She did finally leave and I had to Lysol after she left. Yes, I do carry travel sized Lysol with me in my purse… you just do not know what is lurking in these public restrooms. I decided whatever she had might be catching and I did not need that mixed with my Crohn’s and dear Lord… Still it got me thinking about why people seem to do this. Does this happen to any of y’all? Or am I the only one that people seem to want to take the dump of their lives next to? Seriously? I find it disturbing and worse still painful because I am trying to hold mine back whatever I have to do out of my sheer shyness… politeness? It never fails though I can be alone in a movie theater bathroom with something like 78 stalls and in the last stall… guess where the one person who comes in sits?

It is worse when they have a child with them. I once had a kid slide under a stall, look up at me and ask me if I had to do number one, number two, or was I doing number three. God knows what his mother was doing but she wasn’t watching her child… now I was. I have no idea what number three is… and I do not want to know. The mother who is sitting in the stall the size of a large IMG_2496shoebox finally notices that her son has slid under the stall and is attempting to carry on a conversation with one very shocked me… and she only fusses at him for being on the floor of a bathroom! No hey lady I am so sorry my kid is staring at you and your bits and questioning your business…. But instead he is only chastised for getting germy. I do not about any of you, dear readers, and your upbringings but my mother would have beaten the ever living snot out of me for moving much less crawling around on the floor and worse still into another stall to talk to another person. 77 other stalls… and they choose the one next to me. Go use the baby stall and strap that kid to the changer…. I don’t care, but if your toddler has a propensity to slide under stalls and check out other ladies I think that is an early warning sign of a rapist. Just saying.315311_390151994379970_985314373_n

Please let me know if you have ever had anything like this happen to you… or if you have noticed this issue of people wanting to sit next to you whilst taking care of bathroom needs.

PS: The “germy rapist” chap and his momma did not wash their hands. So much for germs huh lady?

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