Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned:

             Falsehoods and Facebook
“The truth is always one thing, but in a way, it's the other thing, the gossip, that counts. It shows where people's hearts lie.” – Paul Scott

 
This week has been one of hurt and pain for me. I find myself shamed and a bit wiser. There is nothing I have to be particularly ashamed of exactly; though I feel shame for others and shame because I was foolish enough to trust people. This is truly one of my faults. Trusting without question; I like to believe the good in people without any hesitation or concern. Generally, all people are good, right? 
 
Wrong. People may be generally good not necessarily bad; yet when allowed to gossip and spread lies without finding the source or asking the person involved what the truth may be shows what is in their heart. Spite and malice; a big sucking hole of blackness; and enough pain in their own lives that to feel a bit better they binge on the pain of others. That is their truth and who they really are. Many people would rather smile to your face and speak ill of you when you are not looking. It is fun, malicious, and juvenile, and though we all profess to hate it and think it is shitty; we all do it, most of the time we do not even realize we have done it.
 
What is worse is now in the age of social media we can gossip even faster and more efficiently than ever before. It is now easy to gossip and spread half-truths, even flat-out lies about people you do not even know or only sort of know. That makes it easier and less guilty feeling. You do not really know the person you are hurting. You never have to give a second thought to the humiliation you have pressed upon a person if you do not truly know this other person. Why question the gossiper saying the rumors? Surely the person has it on good authority; they wouldn’t just say any old damn thing... whatever just to be mean, would they? They would surely say the same things to the victim's face; not whisper or create some forum to bash the victim.
 
No one ever finds themselves choosing they dislike a person for whatever reason and then relish causing the victim pain and embarrassment. Pointing out another’s flaws and saying things that spread like wildfire on Facebook because everyone kind of “knows” the person.  

Isn’t networking great!?   Abso-fucking-lutely go ahead and spread bitterness and hostility around no one will ever, EVER finally wonder what you say about them when they are not looking.


This week I found out some truth of my own. My ex-boyfriend, whom I have known since high school… you know ten-ish years ago… is a liar and a cheater with at least two girls. That’s not gossip but sadly a confirmed fact and because he finds shame in himself he helps spread scandal to draw attention away from his own issues and hopefully his feelings of shame at what he did. Even someone who has been the closest to me as possible enjoys saying things that they perceive as truth but have never actually asked or listened to. Things like this eventually become tired and pathetic, but they go on. 

Worse still I find that people I called my friends, trusted, and believed were good and kind people are saying things and repeating words that have no weight or reality. Passing judgment without a moment’s reluctance; not one thought to the fact that words can harm and demean a person more than any other form of violence. Yes, I said VIOLENCE. It is violence; think about it. I would rather be punched in the face or beaten with a knotted rope and a bag of oranges than have people judge, hate, and blather about things they don’t know.
 
Lesson learned, trust no one. I suppose gossip is a form of flattery. The more people talk about you the more “famous” you become; you must be somebody pretty fucking important for people who do not even know you from Adam to talk about you. I hope they feel better about themselves; feel good. 
 
I did not get to feel good this week. Instead, I got to spend much of the week re-examining my own flaws, as pointed out by so many others. Not one of these people came to me and asked what was up or even here’s what is being said is it true? What is your truth? What would you like people to know about you? What would you hide? What is really no one else’s business? How would you feel if someone took your truths and twisted them, switched them for their own gain and the thrill of a juicy lie?
 
Facebook, is a wonderful invention, but a dark side exists there. Bullies exist well into adulthood. High school, even junior high is alive and well and lives on Facebook. I would delete my profile and move on with my life except for the few real friends I have that are far away or that I rarely get to see. I can say that things will be different now. I may put myself out there but I will be more guarded than ever before. My truth now is that even the people you think you know… you don’t.
 
No more will I allow someone else to bring me down. Especially if all they are armed with are words. While the damage done by words is expansive and lasts far longer than it should; my beating myself up over it only makes those liars' words more powerful. So one day when I prove them all wrong I get to choose to walk away. And all those people will ever have is their closed minds and their gossip. Karma is a bitch, people. She will find you sooner or later and I find she LOVES people who are mean and hateful liars.